When you sanction, also reward.

I have an aunt who is a very no-nonsense person; she instructs you to do something, you had better do it well. Whenever my siblings and I made a mistake we would always say sorry; we must have said “sorry” to her over 20 times because at one point she told us she didn’t like all this ‘sorry sorry’.

Despite all this, I would never tell you, ‘My aunty is strict.’ ever. Why? Yes, Aunty would be very angry and reprimand us seriously, but when we learned and did better next time, she would commend us in such a happy and joyous tone that we would feel like we were on top of the world. I would be so happy that I had learned from my errors.

The approach many take is to focus solely on sanctions, a child is often punished repeatedly for mistakes, so they act out of fear rather than learning. So sanction upon sanction is given to the child over and over anytime a mistake is made, when improvements are made, they are either ignored or acknowledged in ways that don’t match the intensity of the punishment. This does more harm than good because then one grows up focused on trying to completely avoid errors rather than learning and improving from them.

So, as you sanction someone for their mistakes, ensure you reward them just as much for their progress. This makes a significant difference, not just for mental health but also for morale.

If you're a manager and you issue a stern query to an employee who makes a serious mistake, remember to offer equally serious praise when they improve. Parents, elder siblings, bosses, and anyone in a leadership position, make sure to give rewards as you give sanction. It goes a long way.

Alexander from MANI.