The weight of external validation.

You know the feeling you get when someone compliments your appearance or when a picture you posted gets a good number of likes and comments? Thrilling, right?

It gives you a sense of validation, and maybe even adds a bounce to your step. It’s possible that we’re wired to seek approval from loved ones, colleagues, and even strangers. It does something to our self-esteem.

But constantly needing this approval can be exhausting. It makes us too dependent on what others have to say about us. There’s nothing wrong with wanting approval or getting validation externally, it only becomes an issue when we rely on it and tie our self-worth to other people’s reactions or words.

As important as external approval can be, what matters most is how you see yourself. Self-validation trumps waiting or even begging for approval. It takes away the pressure and frees you from society’s standards. You get to see and be yourself, making external validation just icing on the cake.

Without the likes, comments, compliments, and approval from others—how do you see yourself? That’s where true validation begins.

Olise Esther for MANI.