The Huge Pile of Things to ‘Make Up For’

There comes a moment for a lot of us when we become conscious of how ‘good’ a person we are or have been. We try to be completely honest with ourselves, no self-deceit, no covering up, just laying it all out as it really is. That’s easier said than done. I think in an age where we put a lot of things forward for people to see, looking within ourselves truthfully is no small task; it requires a firm will to be honest with yourself.

When we’ve reached this point of pure self-honesty, it’s not uncommon to realise that we’ve hurt people. And it cuts deep, I know, because these moments of pure introspection often come after we’ve been hurt ourselves, so it stings to realise that just like the people who hurt us, we also inflicted pain on others.

And as we continue to look into the past, into those moments, when, out of hasty anger, we snapped with harsh words, or in nonchalance, we neglected one who trusted us, they seem to pile up higher and higher. It makes our pain seem invalid or unjust. But we can’t travel down this road of invalidating our pain; it leads us to think we can’t be happy because of our errors, and when good things do happen, we wonder if we deserve them.

Yes, friend, you deserve happiness!

Coming to the honest realisation that we too have hurt people, and understanding our faults, is the first step towards betterment. And yes, it seems like there’s so much to make up for, but I know two things: our errors might be many, but they are not infinite, and, if we work at it continuously, then eventually we will be able to make up for it all.

When I think of ‘making up’, I think of becoming a better person who will not repeat the same errors and will find humility in acknowledging their flaws and past errors. When I understand my faults and failings, I am not so quick to crucify others for theirs. Finding that patience, empathy, and compassion are all part of the journey, the ‘making up’. And like any other journey, it happens step by step.

So treasure the experiences, the good and the bad, the happiness and the sorrow, and grow from them.

-Alexander from MANI